


we were something, don't you think so?

by animmortalist



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Based on Taylor Swift's 'The 1', Bittersweet Ending, Divorce, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, Moving On, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:20:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27821395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animmortalist/pseuds/animmortalist
Summary: When Clarke gets pregnant by Murphy in college, he sticks by her, does the right thing, and they get married. Over eight years later, and nothing's as either one of them imagined. After their marriage falls apart, they do their best to continue to co-parent their son, Ethan. Then, they unexpectedly meet Bellamy and Emori. The wounds of their own relationship might never heal, but somehow, they manage to find growth and hope in new ones. They find it's alright now, even if it would've been fun, if they would've been the one.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Past Clarke Griffin/John Murphy
Comments: 18
Kudos: 69
Collections: t100fic4blm Donation Celebration





	we were something, don't you think so?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, loves!! This fic is one I've been so excited to share since I wrote it, and it really reinvigorated my fic writing during my hiatus. It was written for t100fic-for-blm Donation Celebration. Please check out the amazing art @sparklyfairymira made which can be found on tumblr! 
> 
> In case you didn't know, there's a wonderful initiative going on for t100 fandom called t100fic-for-blm, and this fic was written for it as well. Learn more about us and how to prompt a writer or content creator with our carrd [here](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/). As someone accepting prompts, I am currently accepting only WIP updates at this time.
> 
> *Title is from Taylor Swift's 'The 1'*
> 
> Sending love and good thoughts to you all 💜

Clarke and Murphy get divorced on a Wednesday. 

It’s like any other day. Except for that fact that a life Clarke’s spent the last eight or so years building comes crumbling down. Only it’s been crumbling in slow motion, for the better part of two years, and then suddenly, the last piece is jerked away and the whole thing is destroyed. Leaving wreckage and pain and regret in its wake. 

She liked to think when she got married that it’d be forever, Sure, they were barely twenty and she was pregnant and her dad might’ve not had a shotgun, but close enough. Despite what all of that told her, she believed in her and Murphy. In their ability to raise a kid and build something real together. They had only been dating a few months when she got pregnant, but on her wedding day, she felt sure. 

Clarke doesn’t know when she stopped being sure about Murphy. Rather, about her _and_ Murphy. Just that, over time, she began to realize she didn’t want to be married anymore. Not to him. To her surprise, she found that he didn’t want to be married to her either. 

The divorce itself hurt, of course, but it was sort of clinical. She only cried once, after that first conversation. It feels wrong, like the dissolution of her marriage should be more dramatic than this. For Ethan’s sake, she’s nearly happy that it went this way. The last thing she wants is to disrupt her son’s life even more than it already will be with extra fighting or feuds over money. It still feels weird though, considering how bad some of her and Murphy’s arguments got over the last few months. 

Despite that, it’s out with a whimper and not a bang. 

She walks away and he goes in the other direction, and she tries not to think about the fact that he graciously let her have the house. Not only because it was nice of him, but also because...It sort of stings, in a way. He got an apartment downtown when they first separated. So cool, she thought bitterly when he first told her. He gets to be ‘the cool guy’ again, and what does she get to be? 

Clarke doesn’t yet know. Maybe crazy cat lady. Or overly involved single mom. Definitely not ‘the cool girl’. If those even exist outside the imagination of almost thiry-year-old divorced dads. 

She wonders if Murphy’s seeing anyone. Or if he will soon. She hates the thought, and knows she’s powerless to control it. But part of her itches to do so, regardless.

They’ve both slept with other people at this point. Which she doesn’t blame him for. Mostly because she was the one who broke the vow first. Even though it was only a month ago, and the finalization of the divorce imminent. It didn’t feel right. The sex. Not because it was particularly bad or the woman did anything. Rather, it just was...Weird. She’d been with Murphy for over eight years. Being with someone else was something she was going to have to get used to though. There would be no more Murphy. 

In the throes of the divorce, when she was drunk off her ass and ranting to Harper, she remarked that she thought it’d be easier if one of them had died. Harper, of course, was sympathetic to this, but also reminded her of Ethan’s well-being. 

“This isn’t ideal, god knows that,” Harper said. “But this is better, really. For Ethan. Even for you. One day...It won’t hurt so much.”

Clarke nodded, wanting to believe her but not knowing how.

Even now, weeks later, she still isn’t sure she knows how to believe her words. She doesn’t know what divorce is like, after all. To willingly detach yourself from the person who once meant everything to you. Who once was your family. Her and Monty are solid as always. The assholes. 

If only she knew the night she met Murphy that things would end like this. But then again, she isn’t sure she would change any of it. Even knowing where it ended up. 

* * *

_Almost 9 years ago_

Clarke’s snorting out her drink at something Jasper’s said when she makes eye contact with a surly-looking guy across the bar. 

She hasn’t slept with anyone since she broke up with Lexa, and her friends forced her out of their shitty student apartment in order to convince her to ‘get back out there’. She tried to argue that she’s still young, and doesn’t need their concerns. That never works with them though, and she knows before she admits defeat that it is no use trying to argue any different. 

And if the look the guy is giving her is any indication, it might not have been for nothing.

She debates whether or not to make the first move. He raises his beer bottle at her and she knows it’s more than just an offering of simple kindness. 

“He’s cute,” Monty comments. “In a sort of scrawny little shit, way.”

She looks over at him and away from the guy. “You know him?”

Jasper jumps in, “He’s in a chem lab with him. Though I think he’s an English major just trying to get his requirements in.”

Clarke tries to act casual as she asks, “What’s he like?”

Monty grins but plays along, which is one of the reasons she loves him. Not like that, but in a way one loves a brother. Monty was one of her first friends in college, and he introduced her to Harper and Jasper. She couldn’t be more grateful that he saw her in the dining hall, utterly alone and terrified, and insisted she sit with him. 

“Not really. I mean, he’s quiet, for the most part.” Clarke raises a brow and Monty goes on, “When he’s not being snarky towards the professor or other students.” He shakes his head. “He’s funny, you know? But I don’t think it’s on purpose, exactly.”

Clarke considers this. He’s not really her type, when she thinks about it. Still, there are probably worse people out there, and she doesn’t know if she trusts her type anymore. She’s interested, she can’t deny that. 

Taking a sip of her drink, she says, “His name?”

Harper snorts from beside her and she shoots her a glare. Harper first gives her a look back but then raises her hands in surrender. Satisfied, she turns back to Monty. 

“I don’t know,” he tells her. But then a moment later he snaps his fingers. “Shit, no, I do. I think Monroe called him ‘Murphy’ once when they were bickering.”

“Murphy?” she repeats, wrinkling her nose a little. 

“It’s his last name, I think,” Monty replies. Then he shrugs. “Could be worse. His name could be Chad or something.”

She allows this, “You’re right.” She looks at her friends. “You think I should go talk to him, don’t you?”

Harper clinks her glass against her beer. “Go get him tiger.”

Clarke rolls her eyes but smiles. “Alright, deal. But only because you might’ve been right about me needing to stop moping about Lexa.”

“Here, here,” Jasper says.

She huffs out, “You guys suck.” 

Not giving them the opportunity to comment on that, she walks away and towards Murphy. 

When she sidles up to him and says, “So, my friends think we should sleep together,” he chokes on his beer. Might even snort a little bit out. It pleases her far, far too much. 

“Do they?” he asks when he recovers.

She nods. “Indeed. Mostly because I just had a bad break-up.”

He grins. “Lucky for you, I’m the perfect cure for that.”

She matches his expression. He seems fun, and she figures she needs some of that. Plus, he went along with her blunt come-on just fine. That’s got to mean something. 

“Oh, really? And why is that?”

“Because I’m a shit, and I don’t do relationships,” he replies. She laughs, she can’t help it. His grin widens and he goes on, “And I’m pretty good in bed, if I do say so myself.”

“Pretty good?” she follows up.

He points a finger at her. “Don’t go expecting excellent, alright? I’m not above acknowledging that I’m a twenty-year-old guy with not as much experience as I’d like.”

“I appreciate the honesty, I suppose,” she tells him.

He laughs. “Yeah, well, I can’t promise much, but I can say that I’m not a liar.”

“Good,” she says. “Because if you were, the whole sleeping together thing would definitely be off the table.”

He snorts but responds with a glint in his eye, “Lucky me.”

Clarke’s never been the type to hook-up with someone she just met, but Murphy feels different, and she can’t deny that she needs someone to distract her from the mess that was her most recent break-up. He’s fun, first off. And he wasn’t intimidated by her, which she knows is something she really should work on. 

He looks over at her friends and she follows his gaze. They’re being obnoxious, of course. Harper actually winks at them. God help her. She loves them, but do they have to be like this all the time? She’s aware too that if they weren’t, she probably wouldn’t love them as much as she does. Still. She’s trying to maintain some kind of coolness around Murphy.

Murphy looks back at her. “Is it the part where you ask me to get out of here and go back to my place yet? Because, no offense, but I’m not exactly a beat around the bush kind of guy.”

Clarke nods. “I’d say it’s exactly that part.” She shakes her head, laughing a bit as she adds, “And me neither, if you can believe it.”

“Oh, I can.” He’s got a sinful look in his eye and it makes her want to practically race back to his place.

As they head out, Harper calls out to her, “You have _fun_ , Clarke!”

She turns, flips her off, and then makes her way out of the bar with Murphy, not touching, but close enough that they could. They don’t run back to his piece of crap apartment, his words, not her’s, but nearly. Clarke does her best to not be too nervous. Murphy’s easy to talk to though, and they have a beer. Then, well, she did come over for a reason, after all. 

That’s the night her and Murphy get together. And two months later she finds out she’s pregnant. He proposes after a week, and she tries not to resent him that it takes him that long plus a long conversation with her dad. Of course, it comes back up. In fights, words that she holds in until they’re useful in a battle of wits and insults. Despite it all, she thinks they’ll be happy together, always.

She guesses when you get married you never imagine the day you get divorced, but it doesn’t matter because it’s happened. With one signature, her marriage is over, and she’s alone for the first time in almost a decade. 

* * *

Murphy’s out for coffee when he meets her, and he knows, right from their first interaction, that Emori is gonna change his life. 

He isn’t one to bet on this kind of thing. Not since his marriage fell apart. It doesn’t help that the divorce has only been finalized for two months. Really, it’s not the time for him to be committing to _anything_. 

But life doesn’t always work out in the most convenient of ways. 

Later, she accounts that it’s fate, and he can’t argue with her. Not when their meeting is cosmic. Something out of a romcom Clarke watches religiously and he never understood. 

Their coffees get switched up, and as a result, he and Emori start talking. 

Taking their drinks to a nearby table, he asks her how the hell she’s drinking a quad espresso at one in the afternoon. She counters that his taste in pumpkin lattes doesn’t give him room to judge. 

“Okay, fair,” he replies. “But still. What is that you do that makes you have to ingest that much caffeine? Seriously. I wonder if you need an intervention from a caring outsider.”

“And would that caring outsider be you?” she counters. A little flirty. But not so much that he couldn’t dismiss it if he doesn’t want to. He finds that he really doesn’t want to ignore it. At all. 

He bows his head a little and tilts his coffee cup. “But of course.” He raises a brow. “Though I have to confess it’s sort of driving me crazy, not knowing what or why you need that much coffee.”

Emori snorts. “I’m starting to understand you’re just a tad bit nosy.”

Murphy shrugs. “Probably more than ‘just a tad’.”

If she’s bothered by it, she doesn’t let on. Normally, he wouldn’t be so pushy, but this is the first time he’s interacted with someone who doesn’t know or have first hand experience of his fucked up marriage. Emori’s got a great sense of humor and she entertains his more dramatic and foolish notions. Even at their best, he isn’t sure Clarke ever fully did that. It feels like breathing, getting to know Emori after everything, and it drowns out the guilt he feels, too. 

“I’m a therapist,” she says. “And volunteer at a nonprofit every other weekend.” She raises her coffee cup. “Hence, this.” Murphy’s impressed, and tells her so. She shrugs. “I feel like I could always do more, but then I think I’d turn to something stronger than just coffee.”

“Hey,” he replies. “Absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, my ex-wife would say that it’s one of my best inclinations.”

She doesn’t even flinch at the mention that he’s divorced. Just seems a little interested, but not like she’s going to pry. He’s grateful for it. Emori might be amazing, well, as much as he can decipher from two hours of conversation, but even she must have her limits. 

He worries for a second that he shouldn’t have made the joke, but then is relieved when she grins and shakes her head. 

“You’re definitely trouble.”

“Ha,” he says, dry. “If only you knew.”

“Maybe I want to,” she responds, almost a bit shy. He’s surprised by it since she’s been so frank with him prior to this. 

He doesn’t allow her the time to second-guess or freak out. 

The response comes easily, and he finds himself enjoying himself far too much. “That can be arranged, lucky for you.”

She huffs out, “Oh, God, I’ve done it now, haven’t I?”

That’s just the start. They see each other frequently after that. She learns about his divorce on the first date, which is only half on purpose. He finds out about her hand and how she had to have a couple of surgeries as a kid. They’ve both got stuff. It’s a relief, honestly, even though he hates she’s had to experience any kind of taunting from kids or invasive questions from coworkers or strangers. He tells her stories of Ethan and she genuinely cares. If she didn’t, he would’ve ended things there. But Emori and him...It comes easier than anything he’s ever done. 

Before Murphy can stop himself, he’s falling for Emori faster than he thought possible. 

* * *

Clarke’s thinking about Murphy. More specifically, how Murphy couldn’t go to Ethan’s soccer practice because he promised Emori he’d meet her parents. She thinks it’s soon, painfully soon. But they’re serious, despite the fact that they’ve only been dating for a little over two months. He told her that they were, and that he knows it’s horrible timing. 

She’s aware of that fact that he’s allowed to do whatever he wants, and that she’s the one who asked for the divorce first. So, really, she doesn’t get to dictate or judge. But it hurts, all the same. 

Clarke thought they’d both have more time than this. To adjust, to let Ethan adjust. She knows fate doesn’t work like that though. That _life_ doesn’t work like that. Murphy seems happy. More than she’s seen him in at least two years. She does her best to not let it affect her too much, and fails. 

Then Ethan introduces her to his friend Hope’s ‘uncle’ and her whole world shifts. 

The first thing she thinks about Bellamy Blake is that he’s unfairly hot. The second is that he’s a bit of a nerd, but in an endearing way. The third is that she thinks he’s definitely flirting with her. 

“How many times have you read _The Iliad_ again?” she asks, trying not to laugh.

Bellamy points a finger at her. “Hey, now, you can’t really blame me for it. Half the time it’s for my students, I swear.”

She snorts, but plays along. “Ah, yes, of course. Because you’re clearly the type that gets voted Teacher of the Year.” It sounds like an insult, but her tone suggests it’s equal parts a compliment. 

“I happen to have won it three times in a row now,” he responds, smug, and she can’t help but love the look on his face as he does.

“I would expect nothing less.” This time, it really is a whole compliment, even if her tone might still be slightly teasing. 

Bellamy rolls his eyes but grins. “And what about you? Let me guess: you do something grueling but love it, and are known as the Number One Person Not to Fuck With?”

“Hit the nail on the head.” She smirks. “I am both loved and feared at the hospital. Baddest nurse of all time, if I do say so myself.”

“We’re both so humble, it’s really impressive,” he jokes. 

She laughs. “I know right? We both deserve some kind of reward.”

“Well,” he coughs, “I do have something in mind of what that kind of reward would be.”

She raises a brow and when he turns sheepish, she grins. The ease of their conversation has struck her by surprise. After everything with Murphy, she forgot what it was like to flirt with someone and have _fun._ What it’s like to not be such a mom all the time. The feeling resonates deep in her chest. Clarke doesn’t know what it means, right then. Just that it’s nice talking to Bellamy, and she’d like to do it more. 

“Very good,” she comments. “You’re certainly one sly motherfucker.”

He shrugs. “Maybe I figured it was worth the gamble, just this once.”

“Oh, so it’s not your go-to move? Charming yet slightly corny? Because if it’s not, I’d love to know what _is_ ,” she says, testing him, if only a little.

She’s a divorced mom, and she knows she isn’t above something quick and easy, but she was sort of hoping for something different with Bellamy. She’ll survive it, of course, if all he’s interested in is a fling. There have been worse things she’s had to weather, especially recently. Some part of her will be disappointed though, and she can’t hide from that completely. 

It’s silly. They only met an hour ago. Already though, there’s something about him she doesn’t want to shake, wants to hold onto. Even against all logic and thoughts of her wrecked marriage.

“Please,” Bellamy snorts. “If I had better moves, you’d be the only one I’d use them on at my niece’s soccer practice.”

Clarke chokes out a laugh. Both at the admission and the joke. It lightens things between them, and she’s so grateful for it. With the joke, it removes some of the severity of what he says, but it still sort of takes her breath away, all the same. 

“Well, if you’re gonna sweep me off my feet like that, then I guess I have to say yes,” she replies.

He ducks his head and looks out at the soccer field before glancing back at her. “You don’t have to, for the record. Say yes.”

Clarke swallows and hesitates before cursing. “Ethan told Hope, who told you? About my divorce?”

Bellamy flushes a little and nods. “Hope was worried about him. He’s one of her best friends.”

She sighs and finds Ethan kicking around a ball, playing offense. Sometimes, she thinks he takes too much after her. Better for him to be more like Murphy. She knows the divorce has been difficult on him, and that’s the part that guts her the most. That he’s in pain and doesn’t tell her because he doesn’t want her to worry. Even at eight, he reminds her too much of herself at that age, under similar circumstances. 

Clarke bites her lip. Bellamy’s given her a clear out, and it’d be easy to say ‘no’. To just be friends with him. She doesn’t want easy though. Because life has never been that way for her, and she knows it isn’t going to start any time soon. So, she’s got to jump into things as they come at her. Especially the good things, and she believes that Bellamy might be a good thing. Maybe even the exact thing she needs. 

She only hopes she’ll be the thing he needs, too. 

“I want to,” she clears her throat, “if you’re not too intimidated by a crap ton of baggage?”

He grins. “Don’t worry, I’ve got baggage, too.”

She shakes her head, and laughs, and knows she’s far too in it already. 

Being with Bellamy is even easier than she thought. He loves his niece Hope, and Ethan already knows him in some capacity, so it takes away her fears that Ethan won’t like him. She still doesn’t tell him about her and Bellamy though. She isn’t ready to confuse him any more than he already is, and thankfully, Bellamy is more than understanding. 

When they sleep together, it isn’t weird. In fact, it feels just right, and she forgets she’s even supposed to be missing Murphy. Which, of course, she feels guilty about later. But she tells herself it’s okay, to fall for someone else, and hopes that one day, she’ll believe it. 

* * *

When Clarke and Bellamy make it two and a half months of dating, she calls Murphy to confess, even though she knows she technically hasn’t done anything that wrong. 

“So,” she swallows. “I figure since you told me I would tell you but then I worried it might be too weird but…”

“Clarke,” he sighs, “just tell me.”

“I met someone.” She takes a breath. “I know it’s not perfect, but I would like to introduce him to Bellamy. In a more official capacity, you know, as my...Look, I...It might be something. Something real. I don’t know, it’s been over two months and I know I probably should’ve told you sooner.”

“Oh,” he replies.

“I thought you deserved to know.”

“Well, thanks, I guess,” he responds.

Something about his tone sets her off. It isn’t rude exactly. Nor is it judgmental. But there’s something condescending to it. Considering he’s the one who is still dating someone at present, that he was the one who started dating someone _first_ , it ticks her off. Maybe more than it should. Probably because she’s still holding in the pain of the divorce, the forever unresolved issues between them that neither one was able to get past. 

She huffs out, “I don’t get why you’re upset with me about this.”

“I’m not.” But she knows he doesn’t mean it, he doesn’t even sound like he’s trying to be convincing. 

“Come on, Murphy.” She rubs a hand across her forehead, already feeling a headache coming on. “If you’re pissed I’m seeing someone, you can just tell me.”  
  


“Why didn’t you tell me before it got this serious?”

He’s being a little demanding, she thinks, but he also might have a point. He told her when he started dating Emori right away. 

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t know if it was going to go anywhere and I was nervous and I,” she takes a breath to calm herself down, “I guess I’m scared about it because I like him so much.”

Murphy doesn’t say anything for a long time. When he does, it isn’t much. 

“I want to meet him before Ethan knows the two of you are together.”

She nods and then remembers he can’t see her. “Of course. I should probably meet Emori too, you know, before she meets him.”

“Right,” he replies.

She doesn’t want to fight, really she doesn’t.

“Great.” Clarke’s aware that her tone gives her away, even if she’s trying her best to get through this conversation the best they can. 

Hopefully, also without any harsh words between them. If only for Ethan’s sake.

“Fine.” He coughs. “Look, I’ve gotta head to the restaurant so…”

“It’s fine.” She tries not to be bothered that they can’t have a real conversation about this. It doesn’t help that she knows he’s lying. “Talk to you later?”

“Yeah, we will.”

Then he hangs up. Clarke’s surprised to find that she’s relieved Murphy finally knows about Bellamy. Maybe still a little pissed and sad, but mostly, she’s just happy that she can finally introduce Bellamy to her favorite person in the whole world. It feels like the right time. Like things might actually be okay, despite her and Murphy not knowing how to talk to each other anymore. 

* * *

Murphy knows he’s fucked up with Emori before the dinner with Bellamy and Clarke even kicks off, and once it does, he knows he’s _really_ fucked up. 

First off, they’re both late. Which kind of ticks him off.

“You okay?” Emori asks as he fidgets around the kitchen of his apartment. 

Ethan’s at a sleepover and they agreed Murphy’s place was neutral enough territory for the dinner. Murphy still feels self-conscious about it all. Especially because Clarke’s only been there a handful of times. For the occasional dinner and to drop off Ethan or pick him up. It’s a cool place, if he does say so himself. He knows Clarke disapproves. But she doesn’t get to judge anymore. She’s his freakin’ ex-wife for a reason, after all. He knows that’s unfair, but still. A lot of things between them are, he’s all too aware. 

Not to mention he knows she’s screwing Bellamy in their bed, which sort of messes with his head more than he’d like. 

He’s definitely not going to tell Emori that though, so he insists, “It’s alright.”

Of course, because she can read him (really, read everyone) so well, she doesn’t buy it. 

“If you’re nervous about tonight, you can tell me. Or if you want to call it off. I won’t mind.” She chews her lip. “I can say I have a work emergency?”

He feels awful that he made her unsure or have doubts about the dinner. That’s not really why he’s freaking out. In fact, he wants Emori to meet them. Really, he wants Emori to meet everyone in his life, and he doesn’t feel like he can do that until she meets Clarke. 

Clarke will be polite, he knows that. It’s him he’s worried about. Especially with Bellamy coming over, too. 

It’s hypocritical, he’s aware, but he’s also just pissed. That she’s so freakin’ happy all the time. Like she can’t even hide how good Bellamy is for her. He knows he’s been similar with Emori, but he at least felt guilty about showing it to Clarke. And he didn’t act like he found his damn soulmate all because of their divorce and their kid’s soccer practice. 

“No, no,” he tells her and kisses her forehead. “It’ll be fine, alright?” He pulls back and gives her a hard look. “I want you here, I want you to meet Clarke. It’ll be good for us, I think.”

Emori nods. “Okay, but let me know if I need to cut and run before she tries to take me out with a butter knife.”

Murphy laughs, feeling lighter at her joking tone. “Will do.”

Once Bellamy and Clarke do get there, they have wine and do the small-talk thing. Which is simple enough, he supposes. Except then they sit down and the awkwardness descends and he regrets ever proposing this idea. 

They should’ve just stayed apart, like normal divorced people. But no. They had to _try_ and still be a family. Even though the two of them had no interest in being anything that resembles that anymore. 

Bellamy clears his throat and goes for it, which Murphy kind of respects and kind of hates about him and more importantly hates that he respects it. 

“This isn’t the easiest thing, for everyone,” he says. “But shit, thought it’d be easier than this.”

Emori huffs out a laugh, and Murphy feels strangely betrayed. “I know, right?”

Clarke’s so stiff it’s a wonder she’s breathing at all. Murphy takes a long sip from his wine glass. This is awful. The worst part is that he knows Bellamy and Emori are only trying to help, but he’s pissed at _everyone_ right now. Even though he knows it isn’t fair. That the person he’s pissed at the most is himself. 

“I don’t see anything funny about it,” he says before he can stop himself.

Clarke crosses her arms over her chest. “He’s just trying to help, Murphy.”

He snorts. “Yeah, I can see you really enjoy all his help.”

Emori shoots him a look but he ignores it. 

Clarke fires back, “Like you’re not in the same exact position?” She scoffs. “Hell, you’re the one who started seeing someone first.”

Murphy sneers, “It’s really just a game to you, isn’t it? Get over it, sweetheart.”

She shakes her head. “That isn’t what I meant, and you know it.”

He raises his palms in defense. “No, you’ve made it perfectly clear I have no idea what you mean most of the time.”

“I think—” Emori starts.

Clarke cuts her a look and she falls silent, giving her a loaded glance herself before gulping down some wine. Bellamy shifts in his seat. 

“Clarke—” he tries to intervene, but this time, Murphy silences him. 

“She doesn’t need you to defend her. Especially against me. In case you didn’t realize this, we’re perfectly capable of handling our own.” He knows he’s rubbing it in a little when he adds, “You weren’t the first person to have her, after all.” He snorts. “And going by her track record, I doubt you’ll be the last.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Clarke says.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he asks, then shakes his head. “The thing is Clarke, you don’t get to tell me to do a _damn_ _thing_ anymore.”

He grins, enjoying the fighting perhaps too much. The two of them were good at this. At tearing into each other. It didn’t always be like this, but now, after everything, he believed this was all that was left. The only remains of a marriage built on love and understanding and hope was destroying the other. It’s the saddest goddamn thing he’s ever experienced. Maybe even worse than the divorce itself. Because at least before then he’d been able to have hope that they could be okay, one day. Now, he knows better, and it threatens to make him break down right there. 

“Just because we’re not together—” she starts, but he isn’t willing to let her go on, isn’t interested in what she says to say. 

“Divorced,” he finishes. “We’re divorced, so you can stop throwing a tantrum now.”

“Me?” she questions, and Murphy knows he’s done it now. “Look, I know I was the one who asked for it—”

He snorts. “Please. I was trying to come up with a way of saying it myself, you just beat me to it.” 

He can’t look at Emori, he can’t. Bellamy’s face says it all. He thinks if he saw a similar look on her face, he really would collapse. All the fight swooped out of him in one blow. This has been building for a while between him and Clarke, and he isn’t going to be the first one to back down. That’s got to be her. 

Clarke’s stunned for a moment, which does give him satisfaction, but it’s wiped away when she follows it with, “Well, I still fucked someone else first, didn’t I?”

“Clarke—” Bellamy says, but Murphy interrupts.

He might be a good guy and all, but he is sleeping with his ex-wife, is dating her, pretty seriously, if he’s meant to believe her word. He thinks he’s allowed to hate his guts, just a little. At the very least, definitely ignore him. 

“You really think that proves something, don’t you?” he asks. 

“I think it says something, alright,” she seethes, and it feels so good to fight her like this that even he knows it’s sick. 

“You think you’re so goddamn in control of this, don’t you?” he demands, impatient for the answer before he even finishes getting the words out. 

“You know what?” Emori intervenes with a shake of her head. “I’m done here.” She shoots Murphy a look that is downright venomous. “Don’t bother calling me. If this is how you’re gonna handle things, then I don’t want to be in your life. Not ever.” She spits out the last word. 

“Emori—” he calls, but she’s already going.

“Don’t follow me!” she shoots at him, a finger in his face. 

With that, she gathers up her coat and bag, and flees.

In the meantime, Bellamy’s been breaking up with Clarke.

“This is obviously the wrong time for this,” he gestures between the two of them. She shakes her head, but he keeps going, “I don’t know what the hell you two need, but it’s definitely not me.” 

He swallows and Murphy knows the next part does pain him, which makes Murphy squirm with distaste for himself. 

“I’m sorry, Clarke. But I can’t do this.”

And then he leaves, too. 

It takes a moment for it all to register. How quickly the fight erupted and turned ugly. Emori and Bellamy’s quick departure as a result. What if Ethan had been here? Would they have easily fought so badly? He likes to think they wouldn’t, but a piece of him knows better. This wasn’t the first battle between him and Clarke. It is familiar terrain. But damn. He believed after the divorce that the war was lost, on both sides. That a truce had been established, or at least in process. He couldn’t have been more wrong. 

He hates himself for what he’s done to Emori. The look on her face...The way her voice trembled. She may have been pissed, but he’d hurt her, too. If the look on Bellamy’s face gave anything away, then Murphy knew the same was true for him. 

Clarke looks at him, utterly defeated. There’s no more fight left in her anymore, he knows it. Knows it because she was his wife, once. It’s like knowing that he doesn’t have the will to beat her when she’s down, either. This sucks shit and he’s bitter and it was never supposed to be like _this_. 

They’re here now though, and he’s just lost someone important, someone who could’ve been more than he thought he would ever get once he knew he and Clarke were over. She’s thinking the same thing, he can tell. It hurts, understanding how deeply she feels for Bellamy now that he’s gone, but he supposes it’s the same for her. 

There are no words they can say. They can only stare at one another in horror. _Oh, fuck them_ , he thinks. _What have they done?_

* * *

In light of the disastrous dinner, Clarke and Bellamy’s relationship fell completely apart, and it’s all her fault. 

Luckily, in time, she realizes something, and asks Bellamy if he’s willing to talk about the two of them, and the pitfalls of their relationship, at the upcoming soccer tournament. He agrees, thankfully, without hesitation. She doesn’t know if she deserves it, knowing that she hurt him, even if it was never intentional. It means a lot that he’s got enough faith in her, and more importantly, in them, to speak to her about it. 

Clarke’s all nerves when she approaches him. When he suggests they walk around the park, she agrees. If he’s going to tell her there’s really no hope for them, then she’d rather it be done away from the eyes of all of Ethan’s friends’ Moms and Dads.

Murphy’s not here, mostly because they’ve decided to take some space from one another. They still talk, but only about Ethan. They know they need to create distance, where, previously, there was almost none. It’s better this way, she thinks. While he hasn’t said it, he agrees with her, which is a small victory. 

“I want you to be able to say whatever you want to me,” she tells Bellamy. “So, if you want, you go first.”

Besides from her asking him if they could talk today, they haven’t spoken since that night at Murphy’s place.

He nods. “Okay, yeah, I guess I have some things I’d like to say.”

She swallows, and tries in vain to cover up her nerves. 

“I was hurt by the dinner, not just because it was hard seeing you fight like that, but...It was like I wasn’t even there. And I know it’s not entirely your fault, but when I imagined that dinner, and how it was going to go, I figured you’d at least...I don’t know? Act like we were on the same team.”

“I know, and I should’ve,” she replies. 

He takes a breath. “It’s good to hear that.”

“I know I don’t deserve it,” she clarifies, “but...I would like to prove to you that I can be on your team, if you’ll let me.”

“I want to,” he responds. “But…”

“You can say it,” she says. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, I can take it.” 

She prepares herself for the worse when he nods and tells her he needs a moment. Willingly giving it to him, she’s sort of grateful for the time to collect herself. This isn’t easy for either one of them. 

“Do you still love Murphy?” he asks, and takes her by surprise. 

She stammers a bit before confessing, “Yes, I do.” 

When he gets a defeated look on his face, she quickly expands, a little desperate for him to understand, “In the way that love is messy and doesn’t make sense and...He was my husband, Bellamy. We spent over eight years together. We raised a child together. There’s gonna be so residual love there, I can’t help it.”

“However,” she lets out a breath, “I don’t love him like that. I’m not in love with him.” She smiles, hesitant, and goes for it. “Not since I met you.”

He looks at her for a moment, just analyzing, and she feels like a spotlight’s been placed over her. She doesn’t know if he’s going to say anything for a bit, and fear strikes in her. Then he smiles, just the hint of one, and it makes some of the tension go out of her shoulders, her chest, her heart. She’s sure about Bellamy. More sure than she’s been about almost anything. It terrifies her, but she knows she can’t let it pass her by, not if Bellamy’s sure about her, too, even if it’s only a little. 

“You mean that?” he asks, voice thick with something she can’t decipher, but it sounds a lot like love. 

She doesn’t wait a moment before she tells him, “Yes, of course. Murphy is important to me, and he always will be, but I don’t want to be with him. Not anymore.”

She steels her spine and finds the courage to go on as she looks up at him, “You’re the only one I want. I know my life’s a disaster, and frankly, I would understand if you walked away right now, but if there’s even a chance that you still want me, then I will fight with everything I have for us.”

“I believe you,” Bellamy says, and she feels her eyes get watery with the emotion behind the three simple words, the way his voice is strained.

He feels the same about her, she can tell, even before he says it. 

“It’s not all perfect, and I know it’s gonna be difficult as all hell, but,” his Adam apple bobs, “I want you, too. I want to fight for us.”

She takes his hand in hers and when he grips onto it, it feels like a promise. Clarke bites her lip for a moment before going for it. She reaches up, pulls him down, and kisses him. With more than just a promise, with something that feels so new and wonderful and almost like a vow. 

* * *

When Clarke asks Murphy to get coffee and discuss Ethan’s parent-teacher conference she didn’t manage to make it to, he figures it won’t lead to them unloading on one another. But then again, who else really understands what they’re going through? It’s weird, of course, it’s weird. Unexpectedly so though, he’s surprised she’s still one of his favorite people. Even if there’s a world of pain and resentment and lost hopes between them. 

“Thank you for going,” she sighs. “Work was hell.”

He waves a hand. “It’s alright, I get it. Plus, you’ve been basically on soccer duty all season. Which I know couldn’t have been easy, given everything with…” he trails off, not wanting to mention Bellamy if she doesn’t want him to—he’s trying to establish boundaries for them, after all. It’s going shitty, but at least they’re both trying this time. 

It’s been two weeks since the dinner, and he’s been a wreck in the wake of Emori, rightfully so, dumping his ass. He wonders if Clarke’s feeling the same way, but hasn’t asked. They agreed not to talk about their love lives for a while. Not until it concerns Ethan.

Clarke pauses and he knows something’s up. 

He guesses what it is before she even speaks, so he rolls his eyes and tells her, “Just say it, Clarke.”

She hesitates, so he keeps going, his tone a little softer this time, “Whatever it is, you can tell me. I know we’re trying to keep each other in a safe little box but...Let’s face it, that isn’t going to work forever.” 

“I might be back with Bellamy,” she confesses.

“Oh.” He knows it’s the wrong thing to say before the word even comes out. She stiffens and he backpedals. “I mean, that’s good. When did you…”

“At Ethan’s soccer tournament.”

“Right.” He works his jaw and tries not to be pissed or jealous or the mess of emotions he associates with Clarke now.

She worries her lip. “I know it isn’t ideal, but…” She takes a breath. “We want to try again, to do it better this time.” She shakes her head. “I won’t go into the details—”

“Thanks,” he can’t help but say.

She gives him her Mom Look and he cools it. “Sorry,” he coughs out. “I...This is just not what I expected, you know. I thought we’d both get to be miserable, single bastards for a while.”

“Me too,” she says and even smiles. 

“Not that I was wishing you to be miserable, but…”

“Come on,” she interrupts. “You were, just a little.”

He snorts out a laugh and then she mimics the sound. Then they’re both laughing and for a moment it almost feels like they’re Murphy and Clarke again. But they’re not, and they don’t want to be, he knows that. Still, it’s nice to feel it, just for a moment. A ghost of what was once there. 

“Can I be inappropriate, just a second?” she asks when their laughter has died down. He raises a brow and she snorts. “Not like that, creep.”

Raising his palms, he says, “Of course. Our relationship has always been inappropriate.”

She shakes her head, but tells him after a moment, “Have you tried talking to Emori?”

He sucks at his teeth. “You might be over-stepping a little here.”

“I know, I know, believe me. But…” She gives him her Mom Look once more, this one nicer though. More sympathetic. “You seemed like you really were falling for her. I just...I don’t want you to lose your chance at something that could’ve been good for you.” 

“Clarke, no. Okay? She’s done with me. Won’t answer my calls or texts. I can’t blame her either, given our behavior.”

Clarke winces and he feels bad, but not enough to take it back. It probably makes him at least a minimally bad person, but he knows she gets it. After all, they ruined their relationships as a team. Like old times. 

“Just think about it, alright?” she almost pleads.

He gives in, because he knows Clarke, and she’s never gonna let it go if he doesn’t at least agree to consider it. Long ago, it was part of the reason he loved her, then it became part of the reason he wanted a divorce. Now, it feels strangely like some combination of the two. 

“I will,” he relents.

She brightens and then clears her throat. “Alright, now tell me about this boy Ethan supposedly has a crush on.”

He’s grateful for the change in topic, even though it’s obvious. Doesn’t matter though because the whole time they’re talking, he’s already thinking about what he’s going to say to Emori. It feels weird, and he’s sure Clarke knows. It doesn’t hurt either one of them as much as he expects, and that’s something. 

He calls Emori right after he waves goodbye to Clarke.

She ignores his call, so he leaves a message.

“Hey,” he lets out a breath. “I know I fucked up, alright? Like, majorly. I know I don’t deserve another chance, but I want one. Not because I want to prove something to Clarke or stick it to her. I’m not afraid of being alone, either. It’s because I want _you_. You’re a goddamn miracle, and I know I will regret it forever if I don’t at least try to fight for you.” 

He swallows, thickly, and knows the phone probably picks it up. He doesn’t care though. He needs her to know, to hear how much he means what he’s saying. If he doesn’t have a hope in the world, so be it. Emori’s worth it though, even if it ends in nothing. Emori is salvation, and he can’t let a chance with her go. Not without a fight. 

“Give me a chance to fight for you, and I promise, I will do everything in my power to prove to you I’m capable of loving you how you deserve.”

Emori calls him back a couple of hours later, when he’s making dinner for Ethan while he works on homework. 

“Hi,” she breathes out after a moment of silence.  
  


He nearly drops his phone in the bolognese. 

“Emori?” he asks, even though, duh, he saw her name pop up on the screen and knows her voice. “Hey, uh, hi. How’re you?”

It’s probably the lamest he’s even been in his entire life. 

She huffs out a laugh, and it’s the best damn thing he’s ever heard, apart from Ethan’s first word, which was ‘duck’. 

“I’m okay, John.” She clears her throat. “I got your message.”

“Emori—” he starts, but she cuts him off.

“Can I just say something first,” he can hear the glimpse of a smile on her face, “before you go into another romantic speech?”

“It was romantic?” he asks, feeling the smallest bit hopeful.

He knows she rolls her eyes as she says, “You know it was.”

“Well, the confirmation is nice,” he replies.

She snorts. “Let me speak, okay?”

“Okay, okay,” he gives in. “I’m sorry.”

Emori swallows. “I know you are.” 

He knows she’s not talking about this conversation, but about the dinner. It makes him feel slightly better. Not enough to dampen the hurt at the thought that he caused her pain, but enough to give him some hope. 

“It doesn’t change what happened, and I’m not sure what I want, from you or in general.” She sighs. “You really hurt me, by having that fight with Clarke. Made me question how invested you were in our relationship. I thought that meant I had to end it. To protect myself, and maybe, because I believed it meant you weren’t ready for us. That you might never be.”

He wants to argue, but knows she needs to get this out. Murphy can’t give her much, given how fucked up his life is, how fucked up _he_ is, but he can at least give her this. The space to get through what she wants to say. 

“I’m scared.” Her voice gets tense at this and he wants to comfort her, but holds back. 

“I’ve never been able to trust many people. Very few, actually. And the fact that I trusted you and then you hurt me...It’s gonna take some time for me to heal from that. But,” she pauses and it’s awful and he hates himself until she continues, “I want to try to, if you still do. If you love me like I think you might, then...I’ll do my best. I can’t promise everything, but I can promise that I’ll try. Is that enough?”

He shakes his head and says, immediately, “It’s not just enough, Emori. It’s everything, it’s all I think I can ask for...I really do feel the way you think I do.”

It’s a lot for him to confess, given that the last person he loved ended in a world of pain and a divorce notched in his bedpost. He loves Emori, though. Maybe more than is good for him, but he does.

Murphy goes on, “I know I’ve got all this...Stuff. But I know one thing for certain: I want to try, too. I want you in my life. No matter how much of a mess it might be.”

She laughs. “God, this is gonna be such a disaster, but I...I believe in us, if only a little.”

He smiles, so wide it almost hurts. “You bet your ass it is, and for the record,” he adds, “I believe in us, too.”

* * *

_1 Year Later_

It’s Ethan’s biggest soccer tournament of the season, and Murphy and Emori saved seats for Clarke and Bellamy, who are running late. She doesn’t mention that they were having sex in the shower, because there’s only so much you tell your ex-husband and soon-to-be fiancé. Even if you’re on the best of terms. Which, granted, she knows her and Murphy aren’t always, but things have been good, these last couple of months. Almost too good to be true, but Murphy shares that sentiment, so it isn’t too scary. 

He hasn’t proposed yet, but he cleared it with Clarke. Which feels strangely grown-up and yet far too much information all at once. He even showed her the ring, to get her ‘girl approval’. It’s pretty. She liked hers better, which made her have a mini-crisis, but she’s over it now. 

“Thanks for saving us these,” she says to the two of them as her and Bellamy take their seats beside them. 

Emori greets her warmly. There’s hardly any awkwardness between them anymore. Sometimes she knows it’s difficult, with so much history with her and Murphy, but they’ve had their own talks about it all. 

“No worries.” She’s really a good person, good for Murphy, Clarke thinks. A thought that used to weird her out but now feels strangely comforting. “They haven’t started playing yet. Just warm-ups.”

“Great.” Bellamy grins. “He’s gonna kick ass.”

“You bet,” Murphy agrees. 

Then he raises his fist for Bellamy to bump, and he does. They’ve also worked on being less weird around each other. Clarke and Murphy have talked about their weird relationships with the other’s respective partner. How they’re almost like friends. Months ago, they realized that weird works for them. Even if their friends or parents or randoms from Ethan’s school don’t completely get it. What matters is that they work now, where before they just hurt each other. 

Clarke rolls her eyes. “It’s soccer, you guys. He’s nine.”

Emori turns to her and snorts. “ _Boys_.”

She laughs and shakes her head. “I know, right?”

“Ahem,” Murphy interrupts. “We are _right here_.”

Emori lifts a brow. “And?”

Clarke knocks her shoulder against Bellamy’s. “You like it.”

He huffs out, “Shut up.”

Murphy wrinkles his nose. “Gross.”

“Please,” Emori drags out. “You’re gross, too.”

Murphy shrugs. “I’m cute when I’m gross.”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “Of course, you are.”

Then their attention is grabbed by the game starting. Ethan’s mortified to have all four of them cheering for him. Clarke suspects some part of him likes it. Things were difficult for him for a while, and sometimes, they still are, but he’s doing good. Better than she ever thought possible, once the divorce proceedings began. Their family is broken and jagged, and can’t be glued back together, but she loves her son. He’s happy, on most days. Ethan’s got people in his corner. She knows it isn’t perfect, but Emori and Bellamy really care for him, too. If they didn’t, then she knows she and Murphy wouldn’t be with them. 

And she’s really, really happy to be with Bellamy.

It still hurts sometimes. There are moments when she wishes that she and Murphy could’ve made it. There are days when she yearns for the past. For the almosts that stretch out between them. She knows now that Murphy feels this way at times, too. They can talk about that kind of thing now, to her surprise. It’s better this way though. They’re with the people they’re meant to be with, and they still get to have one another in each other’s life. 

It’s not everything, but it’s something. Even if it would’ve been nice, if he would’ve been the one.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ❤︎
> 
> Find me on tumblr (@detectivebellamyblake) or twitter (@animmortalist)


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